Conspiracy nights

November 4th, 2009. I know the post has a time posted, but I was checking if I knew this at this point. See I'm stoned now, drinking the last of my Screech. On my last 10$ until Friday, owing my landlord this month's rent (due last weekend) with cut off phone services, eating peanut butter from a jar so I'll have something somewhat "solid".... yet here's the punch line, I'm laughing my ass off! In my hazed behavior now, the most likely scenario, is now the most unlikely. Hence known as conspiracy night since Blood Shed. I smoked weed like maybe once a year before Blood Shed. But since I got to know Pierre Huard, I'm very fortunate when he comes by at least twice a month.
Reggie's special tick was that he believed in conspiracies in Blood Shed and was a druggie. Since then it has been my special code on the Internet to let people know I'm stoned.

It's two days before Silverwave. Pierre arrives with his adorable daughter Julie. She's so used to seeing me, I'm practically an uncle. I'm quite sober, it's only 12:30pm. Let's forget he's 2 hours late because his cute daughter is with him. However the story should have started the night before. Where we saw an amazing three song show by Bruce Legrow's band (I keep forgetting the name... sorry Bruce!). Yes I did get high last night too.... but I witnessed Pierre totally manage the show! It was flawless! He sensed their disappointment about playing reasonably crowded gigs on Mondays, and playing in a clothing store on a very quiet and subdued Tuesday! with no gate fees!... So I really wanted to ask him about it. Is he managing them? but I don't discuss "the biz" in front of his daughter. He got to know the singer, he's from where Pierre grew up! I still think the drummer kicked his drum stand to get out sooner, making the right side drum fall off the kit. Pierre insists it was a fuck up, on a night they weren't into it, and in a weird way was happy about them getting a bad experience, so that they will be ready and check all their gear for bigger venues.

So our mission today: put up posters on campus. Sounds reasonable. Cathy and Tony let us print 50 copies on the copier at the film coop. We get the copies and part ways. His wife works until 8 and Pierre has to get his son Alex from school soon. I come back home, I'm still pumped from the metal show the night before, I put on the heaviest tunes I know: Rage Against The Machine, Skindred, then went caroming youtube for Eddy Grant's Electric Avenue. (Skindred does a rocking cover!) Then Robert Palmer, Genesis' Mama... then it went into "mashes": Genesis (Mama) with Queen (We will Rock You) Then Johnny Cash with Cypress Hill! Johnny Cash singing Hurt, written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. The point was, I wasn't getting my "special assignment until I (Pierre) get back at 9pm" done. "You need to write this down: (via facebook) 3$ Student... door prizes: get free passes and an evil giraffe, and la souris est dessous la table"
Sorry I watched a little Eddie Izzard on Youtube before Pierre got back a little after 10pm. He wants to play me some Franz Ferdinand on youtube for me. You like metal Pierre, why do you like a generic band only in the industry to bang 17yrs old? He came in at the right moment when Eddie Izzard had stopped playing. I think He's an absolutely brilliant stand-up comedian, I don't think Pierre would get over the fact he's cross-dresser, and performs that way on stage. He'd give me the stare: "you're watching men with make-up? You queer or something?"
Yes we are both filmmakers, but both from rural parts of NB. We are the last bastions of the John Wayne Era, the movies our dads watched and tried to emulate the tough as nails mentality, and transpire it down to their sons.
"Shit you shot yourself in the foot? I think I got the moose! you coming or your staying here like a little pussy because you got a boo-boo?" Homer Simpson Parenting, but not too far fetched. However, us farmers, fishermen, and miners we don't talk about the arts.
"Heck I like Grammies macrame and that's all the art I can handle; I'll take my lined rubber boots off, relax, have me a dozen beer and watch me some Grand Prix Wrestling!" That would be all our Maritime fathers' routine. However when you get paid work on a movie set, we have that doubt in our minds that dad thinks he questions where he went wrong. On a film production, you can be worked easily twice as hard than on the farm. But dad may sees it as:
"He's run away and joined the circus! Idiot, I knew that boy ain't right!" We've worked with them gay folk on productions. There's no room for homophobia on a film set. Gay men can't tell you the difference between a sandbag and a C-stand, but good Lord! they decorate the shittiest locations to look like mansions , will complain worst than a woman, but still surpass by a thousandfold your art department expectations; and know how to dress, do her hair, and make-up, so that every part of that actress' body is so god damn good looking on camera! ALWAYS be nice to the flammers on set. Why? because of the "Fag-hags" The wild actresses or extras who've seen him at the gay bar. Yeah those hot bi-sexual women who hang out with gay men because they don't feel threatened. Yeah those mythical creatures, they exist in the movies; they are more rare than unicorns, ......in the outside world. They run like gazelles on film sets... or so the rumor is, you always know that grip who took home two chicks after a long day of shooting, but never experienced it yourself.

Anyway off we go to UNB campus. "We don't exactly have permission to post these up." Pierre says, "but let me do ALL the talking!" Oh boy, I was going on a caper with Pierre! We started at the SUB (Student Union Building) We posted on the bulletin boards everywhere. However, in comes this student security guard, and Pierre uses Jedi mind tricks on him and he left petrified. But Qui-Gon-Louis wasn't done... Pierre has a handful of passes to give out to the Cellar, the student pub, in exchange for hanging up a dozen posters. Pretty slick. We sneaked around to Tilley Hall where Blood Shed is playing on Friday night and started taping posters over doors. Meanwhile..... I'm smiling!
I was actually looking for hidden cameras, especially over the lockers. Am I on a reality show? Am I on The Truman show? Am I being watched? When it looks like I was becoming despondent, and not interacting with Blood Shed fans, Pierre shows up and gives me a moral boost?
If this is an act, Pierre is doing a horrible job acting panicked... Or on the flip side, he has to do it, and is doing a horrible job acting calm. See now here's scenario 2:
Jason Shipley is making him do it. Jason must rub into Pierre's face how he has brought Blood Shed around the world, how he mastermind a record attendance last year at the midnight show by doing the very same 'unauthorized campus blitz". Pierre has to bone up, he has to fill Tilley Hall, on his own.
Scenario 3: (and most plausible now that I'm coming down) Pierre decided, on his own accord, to do this mad caper. He probably knew best if he got me stoned, I wouldn't be all jittery... and it was about a lesson in confidence. He knows I want to get laid this weekend. He wants me to look at whoever I choose square in the eyes, and say to her in not these exact words: "I'll screw you inches away from death, but you'll feel the pleasure for a week." and she'll have to agree. Thanks bro, I'm expecting an awesome week at Silverwave, regardless if I get laid or not, with a reunion of Blood Shed.

Blood Shed plays at Tilley Hall, UNB Campus, Fredericton NB, Nov 6th at 11:45pm (Midnight Show)
WINNER of the best Horror Short in Edmonton Alberta! http://dedfest.com/
WINNER of the Golden Chainsaw in Croatia! http://www.trash.hr/?page_id=38



Reggie